Survival in Disguise

Survival in Disguise

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When I was a sophomore student, I had to deal with the very first failure in my life. It began when I got a “D” for my algorithm and programming class. For a near-straight-A student like myself, I let the D grade off broke my life, everything went south, and the rest was history.

Depression, questions, were just few of my problems. How could I get a scholarship? Could I get a proper job? Simply put, the negativity prevailed over me. I cried a river, and when I remembered my parent’s hard working I cried even harder. Lucky me, I did not google the “how-to-do-suicide-properly”.

“Life is not fair”, you said, when bad grade, betrayal, humiliation, abandonment were suddenly came at some point in your life. Of course, by also questioning why all obstacles were there when we did everything right phase and paid everything at all cost. Denial thoughts lead to a sense of injustice. Then it comes to comparing myself to another person. Why she/he is better than me? Why her bowl is shinier than mine?

That is the biggest problem. Sometimes we forget that not everyone has the same starting point, and indeed they are in the different race. Never compare yourself to others, and what you can do to overcome all disguise is embracing your own situation.

Another crucial point is that life has no similarities with water. Life does not flow over the shortest possible route. Sometimes life brings you to hard, rock-bottom places. Sometimes it brings you to harder, longer, and tiring path. It sounds cliché, perhaps, but we can identify some good things within those adversities happening to you.

If not now, maybe the good come to you some time in the future, if you’re strong enough and patient enough to overcome the ‘storm’. You don’t know how strong you are, until you realize the only thing you can do to survive is just to be strong and then find yourself stronger day by day.

I feel numb at first when face my failure, but the time goes by and it gives myself chance to contemplate what I can and cannot do. Realizing as well that to be a skilled person, I just have to do specific thing and train it for hundred times.

At the end of the day, I decided not to retake that class and let the D stay forever on my transcript. I reject the idea to waste my time with something that I cannot do. I chose to dig in to myself and clarify my priority.

Along the journey, maintaining stable condition is tough and it requires a full commitment. A half-hearted will get us nowhere. There are days when you will succeed and others when you will fail. If you get off the track, forgive yourself. Treat your fail as opportunity to review your plan, instead of making it as a reason to give up.

However, when it comes to process of changes and achieve a goal, we admit that it would take energy, effort, and support. Ergo, tell people about your plan. Do not make it a secret. It will encourage everyone around you to step in and help in any way they can.

In other words, create a support system for ourselves. Surround yourself with like-minded people who are rooting for your success, people who inspire to be more, do more, and achieve more.

Pain is inevitable and that is the essence to be alive. Suffering is optional, and the only thing you just have to choose is surviving and thriving at first, and always surviving and thriving at the rest.

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Annette Anggraeny
Annette Anggraeny, saat ini bekerja sebagai HR Generalist di salah satu perusahaan manufaktur Jepang. Lulusan Teknik Sipil IPB.